Wednesday, March 16, 2016

"Why Are You So Quiet?" - My Introverted Life

You can find this background here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/5164486/So_Many_Questions!

    Ever since I came upon the words of "introvert" and "extrovert" and learned what they were about, I've personally identified myself as an introvert.  Since then I've recently learned of the term "ambivert."  Now I feel like my personality is mostly that of an introvert with some characteristics of an ambivert.  If you don't know what any of these are, an introvert is a person that's usually considered shy and tend to keep to themselves or to small groups of people while avoiding large groups.  An extrovert is more outgoing and social (the total opposite of an introvert), and an ambivert is balanced between the two.
    So as an introvert I can be pretty shy for the most part, especially around people I don't know very well or that I am not around on a pretty regular basis.  That means that I don't really talk often while out in public, unless I'm around people I know and that I'm comfortable with.  Which also means that my overall social and communication skills may not be the absolute greatest all the time, or at least not as proficient as an extroverted person.  Other reasons I may tend to be quiet around others include not feeling like I have anything to contribute to conversations, to avoid awkward moments like stumbling over my words or practically sticking my foot in my mouth, just feeling like listening rather than speaking, to avoid conflict with others, etc.  But in the past several years or so, I've been trying to speak up and for myself more and more, little by little.  I'm still not the greatest at communicating my thoughts and problems most effectively, but I think I'm getting there for the most part.  I've also been trying to start conversations more and more, little by little.  
    Last night I was getting ready to go to bed and thought about my personal experiences with keeping to myself and with actively speaking up, and I've realized something rather frustrating...  During the times when I was quite for the most part, it would come off as odd to some people.  Not necessarily disturbing or irritating, but rather my chosen silence was not what they normally expected.  It was like something that people were just not used to.  I would be asked, "Why are you so quiet?  You're so quiet!" or I would be told, "You should talk more often!"  I never really know what to say to these kinds of remarks.  I would just usually reply with a small joke, or shrug and apologize.  To be honest, sometimes I really don't know why I'm so quiet, I guess I just naturally am.  These remarks never really bothered me, but they did make me smile sometimes.  But during the times when I would try to speak more often, I would at times not be greeted with such positive reactions as I did when I would be silent. Its not like I'm spouting things that are super offensive or serious.  It's more like my voice is insignificant or just some kind of annoyance to them.  Albeit, this reaction doesn't happen ALL the time, but it's just enough to leave me confused and that the best idea may just be stay silent.  And then, eventually, it would happen again.


"Oh, why are you so quiet again?"
My reply, as I shrug, "I don't know."
And all the while, I'm thinking to myself, 
Because I think that speaking is a pointless thing for me to do now.


    Again, this wouldn't happen ALL the time, but it happens enough.
    There was this one time I was in a car with someone, someone with whom I am no longer on very good terms.  Before this point this person would encourage me to talk, to make conversations more often with them, that they wanted to hear what I had to say.  Or so they claimed.  There were times when I had nothing to talk about in particular, but thoughts would run through my mind.  Half of the time these thoughts would be completely random.  I would sometimes use some of these thoughts as conversation starters.  And this time in the car, when our casual chatting hit a stand still and silence came between us, one of these thoughts came to mind.  Actually, this thought came in a form of a question.  For the life of me, I can remember what the question was exactly, but I do know that it was an "I wonder" kind of question.  So I asked, "I wonder if... yada yada yada?"  It wasn't a question I was super serious about, so if I received a simple "I don't know," I would have been perfectly content with that reply.  At least I had tried to fill the silence and made an attempt at chit-chat.  But instead I got, "Look it up on Google when you get home."  I replied with a simple, "Oh," feeling disappointed, and this person continued on with, "If you really want to know, you'd look it up."  This person also mentioned how they found it annoying when people asked questions that they could very well easily answer themselves by looking it up if they really wanted to know.
    I'm in the passenger seat, trying my best to engage in conversation, and this person seemingly ignores my efforts and basically puts me down over asking a question.  And this was a person who wondered why I was quiet all the time and wonder why I didn't talk a lot.  I kinda want to tell them, "How about you Google the answer to that query when you get on the computer later."  The funny thing is, once I hit "Publish" on this blog post they can... that is if they still really wanted to know...
    Add this person, as well as anyone else like them, to the list of reasons why I don't talk much.  Because why waste my time with this kind of nonsense?  Why encourage me to speak, and then disregard me when I finally do?  I'm not insulting you.  I'm not unnecessarily challenging your beliefs or questioning your morals and values for the sake of conflict or "debate."  I'm not trying to purposely stir up drama because I'm bored.  I'm not trying to mess you up psychologically by trying to tear apart your very psyche.  This question wasn't meant to guilt-trip or anything.  It wasn't one of those kinds of questions.  If this person didn't want to talk, then they could have just politely said so.  "I'm sorry, but I really don't feel like talking right now."  That's fine with me!  I'm practically an expert at that!  But please, PLEASE don't make social interactions any harder than they already are sometimes.  Being an individual with an introverted personality can be difficult enough as it is without any "assistance."
    While I accept my introversion for the most part, I do sometimes find social life to be quite frustrating.  And that's why I'm so quiet.  But I'm trying to do better at a lot of things (communicating, expressing myself, etc.) and those are some of the reasons why I have this blog.  I hope this was, in some way, helpful to you as it was therapeutic for me.





Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Valentine's Day 2015


    Valentine's Day this year was interesting.  It wasn't a bad day, it was basically a pretty good day like any other.  But instead of it having your everyday typical lovey-dovey couple-y theme/feelings like one would usually expect, it was everything that didn't go along with such typical Valentine things.  Again, this wasn't bad, just odd and different.
    It landed on a Sunday this year, so it started off like any other Sunday with a trip to church with my mom.  Like a trooper, I wore a red dress and a multi-colored heart necklace, a perfect and festive outfit for the day.  My mom wore red as well.  We made it to church and went our separate ways into our Sunday School classes, she into her older couples class and I into my young adult class that consisted of couples, singles, and divorcees.  It had been a while since all the lesson books for all the differing classes had coinciding lessons.  (For example, this past Sunday my parents' class did a lesson on Jonah and the Whale and my class did a lesson in Matthew.)  The lessons and lesson plans for all the classes hadn't match up for a while.  I don't know why or when it happened, but I only brought it up to point out that Mom and I didn't know what each other's lessons were going to be and I had forgotten to check it out the night before.  I made it to my class on time, sat down, and opened up the lesson book to the day's lesson.  This is when the day started to deviate from your typical Valentine's Day atmosphere.  The lesson was on divorce.  Not really a typical topic for some to discuss on Valentine's Day, is it?  I was a bit perplexed by it at first.  Like, who in the layout/editing/writing department in charge of making this came up with this brilliant idea??  But by the time the lesson was over, I was left thinking that talking about divorce on Valentine's Day was actually a pretty good idea.  Divorce can sometimes come unexpectedly and it can also come at a bad time in life, so having a lesson on divorce on Valentine's Day actually made sense in that respect.  Also, and this is important to note, the lesson was tastefully done.  The people in that class that had experienced divorce in one way or the other came out of it feeling good and were not offended.  Everybody was nice, considerate, and understanding of everything that revolved around this topic.  All was well!  
    So mom and I had to miss church service and head back home to eat lunch and get ready for the next not-so-Valentine's-Day-thing that we had to go to, a baby shower.  Yep, got invited to a baby shower on Valentine's Day.  Kind of an odd day to have it on, but apparently with the parents scheduling and medical/baby/health concerns, this was the best time to have it.  I'm totally fine with that!  It was held at church at around 2:00 pm, well after the morning service and well before the evening service. I didn't know the couple that well.  I knew the grandparents and the parents of the baby pretty well, and I knew the cousins of the father pretty well too.  The father, I've only seen a handful of times and the mother I didn't know at all.  But that's fine.  It's for a baby for crying out loud!  And I actually like going to things like baby showers!  I like seeing what all the baby is getting, I like seeing how it's decorated, I even like the food and enjoy playing the games!  Sometimes I feel like I'm experiencing Pinterest in real life, and I absolutely love Pinterest!  Observing how special occasions are approached by others really appeals to my creative side.  I already had a car shade that that I was saving for the next time I'd go to a baby shower and a bath-time kids' book that I had that I was planning to give to another child (but unfortunate circumstances changed that plan).  Having those items on hand really worked out and I didn't have to go shopping!  Woohoo!  I did have to go shopping for appropriate wrapping paper earlier that week, but that was all the inconvenience I had to deal with.  And again, everything went well!  The parents seemed to be appreciative of the presents I got for the baby and it was a fun experience.  And I kept my attire for it Valentine-ish by wearing a pinkish, red-violet sweater and silver-colored Strawberry earrings.
   The last thing that was totally un-Valentine's related was at the end of the day...  The Walking Dead came back, heck yeah buddy!  I won't spoil it for anyone that hasn't seen that particular episode yet, but I will say that it was a great episode.  I watched it with my dad, like we always do, and watched Talking Dead right after.
    Nothing like Splitsville, babies, and zombies to get you in the Valentine's Day mood, am I right?  It probably turned out to be one of the better Valentine's Days I've ever had to be honest!  Quite frankly, I thought I was going to be on the sad/moody/angst-y vibe, but I'm quite happy that that wasn't the case.  I hope everyone had had a good day that day too, whether you're with someone special or not!  And if it wasn't for whatever reason, I hope that it is better for you next year!

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

STORY TIME! The Time I Found Something in My Bed...

    Lately, I've been watching a lot of these "Story Time" videos on YouTube and I found the concept to be different (at least for YouTube) as well as entertaining.  So I thought to myself, why not do that right here on my blog?  :D
    So this happened around the last part of high school, about 2001-2003 I would say.  I've had this habit for a long time of staying up late, past when my parents go to bed and past when I probably should go to bed... Yep... And this particular night was no exception.  I'm staying up late, chatting with friends online and watching Flash animated cartoons (I think I was really big into Homestar Runner at the time), then it gets to a point when I'm ready to go to bed.  My parents have already gone to bed hours ago, so it's just me up and about.  I go my room and proceed to get ready for bed; brush my teeth, changed into some pjs, my usual bedtime routine.  I go to my bed to get in, my sheets already pulled back some from the way it was made, and I noticed this pretty large blue mass right on top of the exposed sheets.  It was about the size of a half-dollar or a cap off of a bottle of prescription meds.  I took a bit of a closer look and it looked like a large piece of dark blue, fuzzy, lint from the laundry at first.  How did this get here?  How did I not notice it before when the sheets got put on the bed?  But something was a bit off about it...  I went in for a closer look and I realized that the piece of what I thought was lint had shape to it.  What is this??  I suddenly recognize the shape and I realize what is in my bed, sitting on my exposed, CLEAN sheets...  It was a dried up, mummified, DEAD FROG.  ...  I was speechless and I was shocked and I was absolutely disgusted.  How the heck did this thing get on my bed???
    To this day, I can only come up with one conclusion that's somewhat logical.  There is an air vent that's directly above my bed.  What I think might have happened, and others that I've told this story to before also believes this is the case, is that somehow this frog found it's way into the vents and died.  Whether or not it went there purposefully to die or if it went in there to hide or out of curiosity and just happened got lost or trapped and then died, I will never know.  But it somehow got into the vent, died, mummified and collected lint, and then eventually blew out of the vent and wound up on my bed.
    I ended up having to wake up my parents (1.) to remove the frog because I'm a wuss and I didn't really know how go about getting rid of the thing, and (2.) I wanted to put clean sheets on the bed and I didn't know where my mom kept them.  Overall it was a horrible, gross, and downright strange and random experience.  And looking back on it now, it's a pretty funny story.  One to tell to multiple people for multiple years to come!
    That was probably the strangest, most disgusting thing I've ever found in my bed thus far in my life.  So what's the strangest thing you've ever found in your bed?  Let me know in the comments below!  I'd love to hear what you've got!  :D  


A bit of happy imagery to hopefully replace what is probably stuck in your mind now.  :)
You can find this pattern of mine here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/5109900/Frogs_Circa_1985

Sunday, January 31, 2016

CREATIVE POST: I love COLOURlovers!

    There's a site that I've gotten back into again recently.  It's a website that's wonderfully devoted to color, palettes, templates, and patterns.  It's a place that's frequented by wonderful people who love color, creativity, and beautiful things.  This website is called colourlovers.com.
    I was introduced to this site in 2012 by a co-worker who was going to school to become a graphic artist.  It turned out to be a great help at the time, as I sometimes needed to create specific patterns for specific projects when I couldn't find any pre-made backgrounds that would work otherwise.  I used it for work, for personal projects, and for fun.  It became super handy and it still is to this day.
    COLOURlovers had it's own in-site program, called Seamless Lite, that I would use to make my pattern templates.  It was a simple program that offered an enjoyable challenge because of it's simplicity.  I could only do so much with it and indulged my creativity as much as I could.  I became so invested in what I was doing and was desiring to created better templates like I noticed some others were doing on the site. I decided to try out their downloadable, pattern-making program, Seamless Studio and tried it for the 15 day trial.  Before the trial was up, I was sold and decided to purchase the program only to find out that they didn't sell it anymore.  You could download it, use it for 15 days, and that was it.  For whatever reason, COLOURlovers had quit selling the key codes, yet the links for downloading the program still worked.  I was very disappointed and frustrated.  Luckily, a fellow colourlover found out about my troubles and gave me their key code, which I've held onto.  I love my Seamless Studio program and use it for all my pattern making needs.  And I make even better pattern templates now than I had before when I only had Seamless Lite at my disposal.
    I was using the program often, for long periods at a time I would use it almost everyday.  Then life happened, and I wasn't able to use it for a while.  But now I'm back on it making patterns like I used to do!  I was even creating one the other day when I realized that I ought to make a blog post about it.  After all, this is The Live Diary of a CREATIVE Introvert, and I should post creative things on here every once in a while, shouldn't I?  Yes, indeed, I should!  And I should post samples of my work, too!

These first three are some that I've created using COLOURlovers in-site program, Seamless Lite:

Find it here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/3105775/80s_Pop_Mix
Find it here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/4281773/Intergaclatic_Travel 
Find it here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/4113529/Grapefruit_Slices! 

And before I continue, yes my username on COLOURlovers is "balboababe."  It's an old one that I came up with back in high school and have used it for the longest.  And, no, it doesn't have anything to do with the Rocky movies nor Regina Spektor.  Anywho!  These next three are patterns that I've created using the Seamless Studio program:


Find it here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/3868828/Pixies_Flight 
Find it here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/4480206/POP!_Splatter!
Also, on a side note, I made a dark gray scale version of this pattern to use as a tiled background to this blog!
Find it here: http://www.colourlovers.com/pattern/5093800/Butterflies_Hearts 

    As I have said before, I really love this site and this program, and the users on there are wonderful people as well.  You couldn't ask for a better group of folks!  Recently it's been getting a lot of spammers trying to push various movies and books, but nothing that can't be ignored.  I still highly recommend going there and trying it out for yourself if you're into creating and love color.  It's a great for a hobby, if nothing else.  You can also get your creations in the form of artwork or fabric, not for free obviously.  But I've thought about doing that and trying to sell fabrics with my patterns on them to try to make a little money on the side. (If I were to do that, would you or anyone you know be interested in purchasing one of my patterns in the form of some fabric?)  Anyway, you can look me up and follow me if you like!  Visit colourlovers.com, and try it out.  :)


Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Pop or Bust

   So there are things that I like and things that I don't like.  The reasoning behind why I do and don't like something varies.  This is pretty much the norm for everyone.  However I feel like I'm different when it comes to American pop culture, or the things the vast majority of Americans tend to like.  My overall feelings towards things that are popular in America tend to generally linger between indifference and slight annoyance.  For the most part, anyway.  Sometimes there are those things that are "pop" that catch my interest or could possibly be genuinely like-able. But it depends on how it's presented to me.
    If one or two people came to me and learned that I had not seen a particular movie or listened to a particular music artist and they responded with, "Oh, I didn't know that.  It's really good!  If you want I can let you borrow my copy" or the kind of response with a gasp followed by, "Oh, well, we should see it/listen to it sometime.  I think you would really like it."  More than likely, I'll be down with it.  Especially if it does sound like something I might enjoy.  It's also great in situations where I say do say no, that that "no, thank you" is respected and the subject dropped.
    However... if presented to me in such a way where I feel like it's being forced upon me, or where I feel like an outcast because I don't want to see it or listen to it, or if people question what's wrong with me because I never have had an intense need to experience it before - then I'm not going to watch it or listen to it.  Nor will I really want to give it a chance.  No.  
    The over-zealousness that people have for various pop music, movies, and tv can really ruin it for me.  It can annoy me to no end and it makes me NOT want to get involved in whatever they are into.  Also, I like to be able to be able judge things for myself.  If the mass majority of people like something, it may or may not actually be all that good.  I've had experiences go either way. 
    For example, the newest Star Wars movie.  I've heard it was good, but because sooo many people have gone out and posted about it on Facebook and sooo many people have begged or demanded of others not to spoil it and there were sooo many people going on and on about it - even if they didn't go and see it yet - it all burnt me out about the movie.  Maybe further on down the line I might see it.  Rent the DVD or wait until it's playing on TV.  Otherwise, no, I'm not going to see it.  The movie itself doesn't annoy me, it's because people make such a big deal about it that ruins it.
    Frozen is another example.  And before you ask, yes, I have seen it.  It's okay.  It's like-able.  The ending is different, and that I appreciated.  And the animation is good - the style and movement of the characters and the special effects - it's all really nicely done.  But how long has it been out?  About three years, I think?  Three YEARS and it's still EVERYWHERE.  People are STILL talking about how different and profound it is and it's somehow changing lives... somehow...  Are we still talking about a Disney flick or Jesus?  For some to love the film so much you'd think they'd take the most popular song out of that movie's advice and just let it go.  Or rather... Let it die, let it die, oh why won't they just let it DIE?!  And yet another movie ruined and I do not want to see it again EVER.
    The Princess Bride is another one for me that has been ruined because its been made such a big deal over.  However it's just on a much smaller scale.  The first time I'd seen it, I watched it with a group of people, most of whom seemed completely enthralled with it.  After talking over what movie to see, they began reminiscing this apparent childhood/family classic of theirs:


"Christie, have you ever seen The Princess Bride?"
"Um, no.  I don't think I've ever heard of it."
"What?!?!"  "You've never heard of it?"
"No..."
"You HAVE to see it!"  "It's really good."
Me already be skeptical of that opinion because the movie title had the word "princess" in it, I asked, "What's it about?"
They proceed to tell me, however the description of it didn't make me want to see it more.
"Doesn't it sound good?"

"It sounds kinda sappy to me..."
"Well, we're going to watch it anyway."  "You'll like it!  It's good!"
"Um, O-okay..."

Those may not be the exact quotes, mind you.  But it's close enough to where you can get a feel for everything that was going on.  We then proceed to watch The Princess Bride, which they had seen hundreds of times and this being my first time to have seen it - ever.  And on and off throughout it's duration, I keep hearing people interrupt and quote along with the darn thing.  They wanted me to watch this movie with them, and now they're doing this.  I can understand laughing, I can understand an occasion comment about what's going on in the movie - but quoting along??  Did they want me to enjoy the movie with them or did they want me to enjoy watching THEM watch the movie?  Not only was I having a hard time trying to watch a movie I had not seen before (that I also wasn't really in the mood to watching to begin with), but I also having a difficult time trying to enjoy it because it kept being interrupted.  It also made me feel really excluded from the group.  I couldn't appreciate it on the same level that they did.  I probably would have enjoyed it more if it wasn't for all of that.  But would could I do or say?  It was all of them against just me.  We watched it one other time, there were less interruptions and the experience was better, but it still wasn't all that enjoyable.  Would I watch it again by myself?  No.  Besides there's a lot of negative feelings associated with that movie for me now.  I don't want to be reminded if I can help it.
  There are other examples I could list, but it's getting late and I'd would like to wrap this up.  Haha!  I don't know, people just tend to ruin things for me, and I try my best not to be that way towards anyone either.  Because I don't want to ruin anyone else's experience.  But if 200 other people and sites are already posting about how great something or someone is, is it really necessary for one more person to add their own two cents?  Especially if what they have to say is EXACTLY what everyone else has already said?  And do they have to post about it more than once?  And do they have to get all judgmental and pushy when they realize that you may not like what they like?  Does this mean I'm a closeted hipster or am I being rebellious by going against the majority?  Or am I just tired of hearing about it and am ready for it to be over already?